Protect your High Expectations

Yesterday, as I shared coffee with a friend, we shared stories about how hard it is to find organizations and partners who at least live up to our expectations and how rare it seems to have become to find one that exceeds them.  We've both had challenges recently where we've hired someone who claims expertise to help us with something that is far outside our areas of expertise only to be let down in significant ways.

After about 20 minutes of story sharing, she asked me this question: "Are our expectations just too high?"

That seeming innocent question is really what's at the root of so many of the problems we face today in our workplaces and in our lives.  No, your expectations aren't too high.  Expectations are what guide our interactions with the world and with other people.  And possessing high expectations with conviction is a gift that was likely given to you along the way by a parent, teacher or other role model.  You should protect them fervently.

So, where's the problem?  I have had a lot of conversations like this one over the years.  It seems that by having high expectations, your journey through life can be pretty frustrating at times because so many will fail to live to those high expectations.  And, there are many who will happily advise that life would be so much easier if only you'd lower those lofty expectations to be more "realistic."  No way, not on my watch.

So, if it's not wrong to have high expectations, then what gives?  Here's what I think is going on and what I think we need to do about it.

1.  We don't articulate our expectations clearly.  I have two tenants central to my management philosophy.  First, set crystal clear expectations.  Second, get out of the way.  Without exception, people will fail to live up to your expectations if you do not clearly articulate these expectations to them up front.  This is true for spouse, kids, friends, co-workers, bosses, service providers and anyone else who you interact with.  Granted, when you are paying someone for service, it's not unreasonable to expect them to ask you questions to help understand and set your expectations, but I've found it's much more reliable to take on this responsibility yourself.  Example: I expect you to be clear on your expectations.

2.  We aren't good at holding people accountable to your expectations.  This is what I wrote about yesterday.  For whatever reason, we've gotten squimish about holding other people accountable for doing what they are expected to do.  When we communicate clear expectations, then it's not only reasonable, but expected of you that there will be accountability for meeting these expectations.  This means that some times you have to have some pretty fierce conversations with people.  And by fierce, I don't mean disrespectful, but rather honest, candid discussion about where expectations aren't being met and how to make it right.  Here's the dirty secret about accountability.  If expectations are clear, there are no surprises.  People know when they aren't meeting expectations.  And a majority of the time, it creates more tension and negativity when you don't address the gap than if you do.  When you have the fierce conversation, you are taking action to ensure a more satisfactory outcome.  Both parties to the conversation win.  And don't forget, accountability also means celebrating and rewarding those who do exceed your expectations.  When you find someone who does great by your and exceeds your expectations, find ways to reward them.

3.  Due to the first two points, I think that service quality has deteriorated dramatically on the average and it needs to change.  There are too many organizations and professionals that are getting by on doing average work at average quality because they aren't being held accountable to a higher standard.  It pains me.  And, this has been a great reminder to me as someone starting a new company in the services business, that I have to work really hard to hold myself to very high standard because it won't always be the case that my customers will.  It should also be a good reminder to anyone in a position to provide service whether it be in a corporate environment, retail business, as a leader or at home.  I don't know about you, but I am committed to be one of the examples of people who exceed my customer's expectations.

So, at the end of the day, it's not our high expectations that are the problem.  It's what we do with those high expectations that really makes the difference.  Life is too short and business moves too fast to have low expectations.  If you are going to be exceptional, you have to expect exceptional things from yourself and others.  Share those expectations with others and invite them to live up to them.  I think you'll be pleasantly surprised by what happens.

The Accountability Contagion

I'm worried about us as a collective group of human beings.  We seem to be very on edge and out of sorts.  We don't want to offend and yet we are easily offended.  We desire real conversation, and yet, we avoid conflict because it's uncomfortable.  We desire to have all that we want (big TV's, fancy houses, snazzy cars) and yet we resent the risks and trade-offs it takes to create that kind of wealth.  We want to feel good, but we won't do the hard work to achieve real health.  

We seem to have lost touch with reality.  

I'm speaking in generalizations here, of course, but look around.  Even if you are one of the few who is truly grounded, you will see this chaos everywhere.  Somewhere along the way, we seem to have forgotten that the outcomes in our lives are directly an outcome of our actions.  And, our actions are orchestrated by our beliefs and mindsets.  The connection that bridges the two and grounds a person in reality is accountability.  

Being accountable means that you own the outcomes of your actions (your results), good or bad, without excuse and without exception.  True accountability seems to be increasingly rare.  If we watch the news, we are hard pressed to find examples of accountability in action.  The political strategy of the day seems to be to avoid accountability at all costs, even to the point of taking no meaningful action to ensure plausible deniability should something bad happen.  Once in a while, you'll see an example of accountability in action, and sadly, it stands out so much that you might write a blog post about it.  

The crazy thing about accountability is that while so many people seem to be avoiding it, embracing accountability is energizing and it opens up opportunities.  If you take accountability for your own results, then you spend a lot less time worrying about what other people are doing or might do.  Accountability also helps you shed false stories you've created in your head about why you aren't getting ahead in your job or your life.  Instead, you look in the mirror and make the changes that are within your control to propel you towards what you want.  And, accountability lessens the sting of failure because when you fail, it's on your terms.  You know why you failed and you focus on what you can do differently to avoid failing the same way in the future.  Being accountable in failure is about leadership because accountability erases blame and accusations that often make failures far worse than they ever need to be.  

Accountability is the truest form of empowerment.  It is an invitation to live up to your potential.    

So, what do we do?  Well, it turns out the accountability can be learned and it's contagious.  By simply being accountable and holding others accountable, you can start a trend.  Being accountable will make you stand out, and others will want to mimic the behavior you role model.  Being held accountable is how we learn what accountability feels like.  So, whenever you have the opportunity, hold people accountable.  Expect them to do what they promise, to live up to expectations.  Respectfully call them on it when they don't and let them know that you expect more of them.  

Why Performance Appraisals Must Die

Yesterday, TLNT.com was kind enough to publish a post (rant) that I wrote about why the traditional performance appraisal process needs to go away and what we might do in its absence.  It's a terrible and sometimes harmful process and its time has passed.

If you are interested in reading more and joining the movement to eradicate the performance appraisal, you can find the article here.

Thank you for reading and sharing my blog.  I am thankful for you.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Where did all the fun go?

There is a direct flight on Southwest Airlines from Omaha to Las Vegas.  Every time I'm on this flight, the flight attendants delight me.  This crew injects Vegas energy and fun into the flight experience as soon as we push away from the gate.  The normal boring announcement is injected with personality.  They sign, they joke, they laugh a lot. Without exception, this flight is always the most fun I'm going to have on a flight.  I'm not sure if the crew for this flight is specially selected because of their personality or if they are encouraged to have fun or if it just happens because the passengers are in a better than average mood collectively.  Whatever it is, the differentiating factor on this flight is fun.  The people working the flight are having fun, so I end up having fun.  

Reflecting on this reminded me of a post I wrote earlier this year about an ESPN piece about an Icelandic Soccer team that had crazy (and wildly creative) goal celebrations.  When I think about what made this particular soccer team stand out enough to warrant coverage on the biggest sports network in the world, it was because they are so clearly  having fun in their work.  

So, this brings me to a really important and profoundly depressing question: When did having fun in your work because such a competitive advantage?  Whether it's the Pike Place Fish Market or your local ice cream shop, when we encounter people having fun at work, it's memorable.  Witnessing people having fun and really enjoying their work has a magnetic effect.  

Which begs the question, why aren't more people doing it?  

Jobs and Tribes: People make the Experience

Folding clothes sucks.  I find it a monotonous, boring task that I like to avoid when I can.  But, as an aspiring good husband, sometimes I have to suck it up and do it.  Yesterday was one of those days.  

Bailey, my little helper.

As I was standing in front of the bed, beginning the task, my three year old daughter came into the bedroom and immediately said "Daddy, I want to help you."  So, she began sorting clothes into separate piles, one for each member of the family.  It was incredibly cute and I noticed that I was really enjoying my folding.  Even more, I was smiling.  It was fun.  

I know that I have often underestimated the importance of the people when it comes to enjoying my work.  When I have looked for a job in the past, my criteria were usually something like this: 

1. The role (what are the responsibilities and opportunities involved?)
2. The location (I generally wasn't able or willing to relocate, so . . . )
3. The comp (what do I get for doing a great job?)
4. The upside (where can I go with the company once I master this role?)

This list is unique to me, but I would guess that most people have a similar type list.  The order might be different, but I think we all generally judge potential jobs based similar criteria.  

There's a huge problem with my list.  "The People" is completely missing (it's at least not in the top 4).  I'm not sure why, but the people never really became a top of mind consideration until after I took the job.  Perhaps I thought I could work with anyone--and I have.  But, what I know for sure is that as I reflect on my job satisfaction over the years, the jobs I loved where the ones where I was working with people who I loved to work with (and socialize with in many cases).  When I was a member of a great tribe of people at work, the work just seemed like it was more fun to do--much like my discovery that laundry is more fun to do with a brilliantly cute, 3-year-old partner.  

So, my take away from this reflection is to keep the people top of mind as we choose our work.  It's even important to think of the people when you hire someone to work on a project with you as a vendor or consultant.  My favorite vendor partners over the years have also been my favorite people.  In fact, my new business partner, Cy Wakeman and I met when my company hired her as a consultant.  We did great work together and we had a great time as we did it.  Great people and great relationships make doing business meaningful (and often fun).  

One of my friends, who is a small business owner/freelancer, chooses his clients and projects based on a set of criteria:

• The work
• The people
• The money

He won't take on a project unless two of the three items are really exciting to him.  If he loves the work involved and the people he gets to work with, he'll take the project even if the money isn't the greatest.  Alternatively, if the people and the money are good, he'll sometimes take on a client where the actual project work isn't that exciting. 

"The People" are critically important.  Never underestimate the power of a great tribe to turn an average looking job into a remarkable experience.    

Video Blog Post #3: Freak Flag Friday Edition

It's been a few weeks since my last video  post.  This week, I celebrate Freak Flag Friday by making a confession (Hint: it has to do with swearing).

Have a great weekend!

The Truth will Set you Free

I was in a meeting yesterday where a friend was describing a work problem she was having with a vendor who's service wasn't meeting her expectations.  She described in detail what the problem is, what impact it is having and then she went on to explain why it was a challenging issue to tackle with the vendor.  

Once she described the situation, she asked the group for advice on how to handle the situation.  I innocently suggested that perhaps she should call the vendor and describe the situation to him exactly the way she had just described it to the group including why it was difficult to call him.  Based on the look I got, you would have thought I had just suggested we rob a bank  or commit murder.  Apparently, the notion of calling the person who can solve the problem and telling them the truth was out of the question.  

I bump into this kind of thinking a lot.  For some reason, we've convinced ourselves that telling the hard truth in situations that might lead to conflict is not an acceptable path.  And it's costing us a lot in time, energy and emotional drain.  

The issue is that we write a bunch of stories in our head about why we can't have the real conversation that matters because of how the other person might react or what the possible repercussions might be.  Take my friend's situation.  The irony was that one of the things she was contemplating was whether it was time to find a new vendor.  Consider that for a moment.  She was convinced that it was as good of a strategy to go through the pain and time of changing vendors rather than having an uncomfortable conversation with the one that already knows her business. 

Unfortunately, I see this a lot.  We spend a lot of time and energy avoiding having the conversations that would make all the difference.  Telling someone an uncomfortable truth is not easy, but it's one of the most important things you can do as a leader.  Let's be clear, telling the truth and having hard conversations doesn't mean that you can't be empathetic, compassionate or diplomatic.  That's all about how you deliver the truth and of course it's important to handle the conversation professionally and with dignity, but you still need to speak the truth.  

Next time you find yourself in a situation where you are talking to someone else about the problems you are having with another person, stop yourself and go talk to the person with whom you have the problem.  Tell them the truth about the problem and how it's impacting you.  You will be surprised by the results. 

The truth will set you free.  

Negotiation is all about Leverage

I am a sports fan so I watch a lot of ESPN Sportscenter.  So, one of the stories that I can't escape is the NBA lockout drama that has been playing out for the last 180 days or so.  The NBA has now lost a quarter of it's season and they don't really seem to care about saving the rest of it.  This week, the players decided to file anti-trust lawsuits in hopes of advancing their cause.  As interesting as it is to watch adult millionaires bicker over money, I personally could care less if they ever end the lockout.  Despite that, the lockout has been an interesting case study of how negotiations work and there are some lessons that can be learned. 

Negotiation skill seems to be a coveted ability within business.  It's something that is thrown into nearly every mid-level management or leadership development curriculum.  This stands to reason, I suppose.  When you really think about it, we are negotiating pretty regularly as part of our jobs.  We start our employment with any company by negotiating our salary and benefits.  Then, we negotiate for working arrangements.  Our teams are perpetually negotiating for resources, support or access to information.  Negotiation happens all constantly.  

I was never sent to a formal class on corporate negotiations, so most of my knowledge in this area came from what my Dad taught me growing up and then from my early sales career.  Beyond that, it's just been experience.  And what my experience tells me is that to win at negotiations, the main thing you have to understand is leverage.  The word leverage comes from the root word "lever."  If you recall your high school science lectures, a lever is a rigid bar that concentrates power so that you can move an object you wouldn't be able to move otherwise with a direct application of force.  

So, when we consider leverage in terms of negotiation, it's about how to concentrate power in order to get the other party to move (to influence their decision).  For there to be any real negotiation, both parties need to be in a position where they have both something to give and something to gain.  In a salary negotiation, the company can give you more money and benefits, but they also stand to gain your abilities and talents.  On your end, you can give more time, energy, focus to the job and you stand to gain more in salary and benefits.  The negotiation is sorting out how much each party gives and gets.  

The NBA lockout negotiation is an interesting example of an imbalance in leverage.  Based on the analysis I've formed from the perspective of my couch, it appears that the owners of the league have most of the leverage.  The players have money to lose or gain, but they really don't have much to give beyond what they are already contracted to do.  They play basketball and get paid or they don't.  That's why the lockout began--no basketball means no money for either side.  That should be leverage to get a deal done (at least one would hope so), but not necessarily leverage for either side.  The lawsuit filed by the players this week is a clear attempt to gain leverage.  They didn't have the power at the negotiation table to get a deal done, so now they are hoping the legal system will help them gain a position of power over the owners.  This remains to be seen.  Both parties in this negotiation seem to be waiting for the other to blink, and neither group seems all that interested in getting back to basketball.  

This situation reminded me of the errors I see so many people make when it comes to negotiation in both business contexts and in life.  We don't pay close enough attention to leverage until it's too late.  For example, if you always feel like you pay too much when you buy a new car, it's because you are letting the car sales person have the leverage over you.  Here's what leverage looks like in a car purchase:

• Attachment.  When you find a car you really like on a car lot, you can get attached quickly.  This is leverage for the salesperson.  To shift leverage your way, remind yourself that they make cars in mass qualities and that there will be other cars just like this one at other dealers.  The biggest leverage you can have in any negotiation is a willingness to walk away from the deal.  If the sales person believes you will will walk out the door and keep shopping, they will get a lot more motivated to make you a truly great deal.
• Time.  If you are interested in a car and want to buy it at that dealership, they will make the process very long to create time pressure.  If you feel like you need to get out of there, you may be likely to accept one of their offers just to end the process.  They are creating leverage.  To shift leverage in your direction, set a deadline when you sit down with the sales person to talk price.  Let them know that you are leaving at that time if you have a deal done or not.  And, you have to mean it.  If you are truly willing to walk out, you have leverage on them to get to the best price quickly.
• Information.  The more information you know about the car, it's invoice pricing, competitor prices, value, etc., the more leverage you have in the negotiation.  The less information you have, the more leverage they have.  
• Conflict tolerance.  The whole purchasing process is designed to manipulate you using your human, behavioral tendencies.  They get you say yes several times to prime your brain to say yes to the offer they make. They get you to sign papers that mean nothing, but that psychologically increase your commitment to the process (you feel as though you've entered into some sort of contract with them if you've signed something).  Be willing to say no to something in the process.  In order to shift the leverage in a process that is designed to manipulate your decision, you have to exert some control of the process.  This involves pushing back on their process and making some demands.  If you aren't willing to create some conflict in the process by pushing back, you are giving them all the power.  

These are just a few examples of what leverage looks like in the car purchasing process.  These same items are points of leverage in nearly any negotiation (including those with your spouse or children).  There are dozens of more ways that leverage exists or can be created.  The key question when it comes to leverage is to determine what levers are in play (like those above) and how important those levers are.  The trick is then to use the levers to influence the other party to give you what you want.  Most of the time, this can be a win-win situation in which both parties walk away happy.  

I'm not a classically trained negotiator, but I've made some really great deals throughout my professional career by simply understanding what leverage existed and then using that leverage to get what I wanted.  By studying leverage, you will be well on your way to becoming a powerful negotiator.  

Working with Jerks? It might just be You.

There are some lessons you learn on the journey of life that can change everything.  For me, these lessons usually end up stored in my mind as sound bites that are easy to recall for inspiration.  Sound bites are great when I need a reminder or I want to share the lesson with others.  

One of these lessons that substantially changed how effective I am at working with and leading people is stored in my mind as a four word sound bite:

"Always assume positive intention."  

The lesson these four words hold for me is to always assume that the person you are interacting with has positive intentions until proven otherwise.  So, when a colleague's comment comes off like a dig at you, assume that it was just a poor choice of words on their part and that they meant no harm.  Or, when someone sends you a short email that could be read as angry or hostile, chose instead to assume that they were just in a hurry.  

My colleague Cy Wakeman talks about how we constantly writing stories in our head that bring drama into our lives.  One of the examples she uses is of a situation we've all probably been in before.  

It's first thing in the morning and you meet one of your colleagues in the hall.  Your colleague glances at you, doesn't smile or say good morning, and keeps on walking.  

At this point, we have a choice.  Unfortunately, many of us will have the immediate thought, "What a jerk" in response to being snubbed in the hallway.  And, since this person was such a jerk, we decide we should treat him accordingly.  So, later in the day, when you see this same person in a meeting, you treat them like a jerk.  And, they respond to your jerkiness by acting like a jerk--confirmation that our earlier judgment was true!  It's a self-fulfilling prophecy. 

On the other hand, let's rewind this scenario and play it out a little differently this time assuming positive intentions.  This time, when your colleague neglects to say good morning, you chose to assume that they must have something pretty important on their mind or that they are really busy with work.  So, you don't think anything of the experience.  Or, maybe you take it a step further and when you see the person later that day, you ask how they are doing and if you can help them out in any way.  Obviously, the person on the other end of this experience is going to react in a very different way than the first scenario.  

The thing about these two examples is that the other person didn't change.  What changed was our mindset about how to react to something happening to us.  The magic of the lesson "always assume positive intention" is that by expecting no change from others, you can experience other people in a completely different way.  You write positive rather than negative stories in your mind.  It's a funny thing.  People have a knack of living up or down to your expectations because so much of how we understand people is based on the perspective we bring to the interaction.  

By changing how you choose to view people, you literally can change how the work responds to you.  

Taking the Sting out of Feedback

One of the things that makes me laugh every time is when I hear someone (including myself) say that they "love getting feedback."  The truth is, we hate getting feedback.  We love what feedback can do for us.  Feedback helps us get better.  But many times, that improvement is fueled by the pain of receiving the feedback and the hope of avoiding that feedback in the future.

For example, early in my career I worked for a recruiting agency.  Recruiting, at least at that level, was primarily a phone sales job.  So, everyday, we spend our entire day in an office, behind a desk, tied to a phone.  We rarely saw customers.  And yet, we were required to wear business professional clothing to work each day, including ties for the men.  I thought this was stupid.  In protest, I did everything to break the code that wasn't technically out of dress code.  I wore cheap clothes that weren't in the greatest shape.  I never buttoned the top button on my shirts and I often rolled up my sleeves on my shirt.  I wore my shabbiness as a protest to "the Man" and his stupid rules.

Then, one day, the owner of the company took me to lunch.  Over lunch, he told me how great of a job I was doing with my sales and how he noticed that I was a natural leader within the office.  He even said that they we thinking seriously about promoting me to manage a team.  But, then he dropped the bomb.  The words he said still ring in my ears.

"But, we can't promote you because you look like a slob."

Ouch.  He went on to tell me that in order for them to promote me to manager, I had to look like a manager.  I still hated the dress code.  And I thought it was silly that a promotion decision was being help up based on my clothing.  But, I learned a valuable lesson that day.  Perception may not always be fair, but it's very real and you have to manage it.  The feedback was so painful that it left scar tissue in my brain that serves as a reminder to me every day.

As I reflect on this experience, the thing that is funny to me is that I'm pretty sure my wife has told me many times over the years that my clothing wasn't up to par and that I needed to do something about it.  In fact, there was one point where she essentially changed out my entire casual wardrobe.  And yet, that lesson didn't sting me nearly as much.  It still stuck with me (I dress better all the way around today), but not because of pain.  What's the difference?

I tend to think that the difference is a foundation of love and trust.  My wife loves me and wants what's best for me.  I trust her more than anything and anyone in the world.  So, when she gives me feedback, I never worry that it is impacting our relationship or that it has some ulterior motive.  I take is as what it is, her caring for me and wanting me to be my best self.

The same transfers to our children.  The most important thing I can do as a parent is to ensure that my kids know that they are loved unconditionally.  If I build that foundation, then when I have to scold them or discipline them, they never feel like their relationship with me is at risk.

So, how are we doing with this at work?  How do your employees take feedback from  you?  Do they get defensive?  Perhaps it's because you haven't established a foundation of love and trust with them first.  Obviously, I'm talking about a different kind of love that that of your spouse or children.  But, do they believe that you have their best interest at heart at all times?  Do they believe that your primary concern is caring for them?  If not, when you give them feedback, it can feel to them like your relationship with them is changing--that they are losing some status with you.

It's an interesting question to ponder.  I know that some people are easier to love than others, but are we even making the effort?

Why Invest in Young Professionals?

Today, I get to speak to a group of highly engaged, young professionals.  They will be in their early to mid-twenties, full of energy and ambition.  This particular group is enrolled in a volunteer mentoring program in the community.

I love speaking to and working with young professionals.  I've always thought that the reason was that they were so full of energy and curiosity.  They ask questions and they want to learn.  All of these characteristics make for a great audience and for a good student.  But, this isn't the main reason I love working with this type of group.

For me, I think it's much bigger.  For me, working with young professionals is my way of investing in a better future for all of us.  I'm pretty fond of illuminating the fact that management sucks and that our workplaces are broken.  I can tend to sound pretty cynical when you get me rolling on these subjects.  And sometimes it's hard to see where we can take action to break the cycle and start really making thing better.

I think one of the places where we can make a huge difference is with our young professionals.  If we can help them start out their journey with a better toolbox or a more grounded perspective, they can make the choice to act differently and think differently.  If we can, in some small way, give them permission to expect more from their work and their leaders, to be more individually, then I think we are moving the needle.

All too often, business leaders and the media are quick to write off "Gen Y" and depict them as somehow problematic.  I choose to take a totally different view.  Gen Y is our future.  They hold the power to transform what it means to have a manager and how work should look.  But, they need our support.  They need our guidance.  They need mentors who encourage them to become their best self.

Take the time to invest in your young professionals.  It's an investment that can deliver a tremendous return.

Seduced by Safety?

Safety is overrated.  It is a powerful motivator for us as human beings, but our desire for safety often gets in the way of becoming our best self.  The path to exceptional runs through a valley of risk.  In order to unlock your potential, you must put yourself in situations where there is a significant risk of failure.

I have recently had a couple of really unique speaking engagements that called for me to step outside of my comfort zone.  In both cases, I tried to take some of my own medicine and be extra bold, to take the extra risks.  As I stepped on the stage, I wasn't certain if either presentation I was about to give would be a hit or a miss.  But, I knew that I had to push myself to a place where I wasn't comfortable.

And it paid off.  The feedback was great from both presentations.  And, as a bonus, I felt great about the experience.  It was a great reminder for me that taking risks and putting yourself out near the edge is invigorating.  It wakes up the "fight or flight" part of your brain which causes you to focus in a way that is above and beyond the norm.  It helps reveal your best self.

Where are you taking risks in your work?  In your life?  Can you identify the areas where you are putting yourself out there, pushing beyond your comfort zone?

If nothing comes to mind, then I suspect you've been seduced by safety.  And safety feels good.  It's inviting and comfortable.  But safety comes at a high price that's paid for in lost opportunities.  Are you willing to keep paying that price?